|
SubscriptionsSites I Read
|
|
|
|
| tell me, how will i make it.
-------------------------------------------------
I think that's what's wrong with the world; no one says what they really feel, they hold it inside. They're sad, but they don't cry. They're happy, but they don't dance or sing. They're angry, but they don't scream. Because if they do, they feel ashamed and that's the worst feeling in the world. So everyone walks with their heads down and no one sees how beautiful the sky is.
All my life, I have been in love with the sky. Even when everything was falling apart around me, the sky was always there for me.
-Yoko Ono
I've always loved intelligent girls, no matter how they look, to be able to hold a conversation with someone is so important. The moment someone acts dumb, I lose interest. I think about the subtext and layers of a person when I design. I design for someone who has interest in the space around her, who is aware of her relationship with the world, someone a little evolved, a little concerned. I think putting more women in power will help solve a lot of problems in the world. It troubles me that the media celebrate women acting like bimbos on TV -- it's not cute, it's ridiculous. I call it 'Paris Hilton Syndrome'; there's a place for that superficiality -- but it must be neutralized by an equally powerful, intelligent counter force in culture. I don't want to perpetuate the wrong ideal.
-Prabal Gurung
It's so hard to forget pain, but it's even harder to remember sweetness. We have no scar to show for happiness. We learn so little from peace.
-Chuck Palahnuik
I do not care what car you drive. Where you live. If you know someone who knows someone who knows someone. If your clothes are this years cutting edge. If you are A list or B list or never heard of you list. If your trust fund is unlimited. I only care about the words that flutter from your mind. They are the only thing you own. The only thing I will remember you by. I will not fall in love with your bones or skin. I will not fall in love with the places you have been. I will not fall in love with anything but the words that flutter from your extraordinary mind.
-Andre Jordan
Cash rules everything around me.
Nothing is so common as the wish to be remarkable.
-William Shakespeare
Why is it we want so badly to memorialize ourselves? Even while we're still alive. We wish to assert our existence, like dogs peeing on fire hydrants. We put on display our framed photographs, our parchment diplomas, our silver-plated cups; we monogram our linen, we carve our names on trees, we scrawl them on washroom walls. It's all the same impulse. What do we hope from it? Applause, envy, respect? Or simply attention, of any kind we can get? At the very least we want a witness. We can't stand the idea of our own voices falling silent finally, like a radio running down.
-Margaret Atwood (The Blind Assassin)
No one knows for certain how much impact they have on the lives of other people. Oftentimes, we have no clue. Yet we push it just the same.
-Jay Asher (Thirteen Reasons Why)
Huge world events transpire, we all react and comment, and then it's as though they never happened. It's hard to prioritize and keep track of what is really going on.
-Emily Haines
Youths are passed through schools that don't teach, then forced to search for jobs that don't exist and finally left stranded in the street to stare at the glamorous lives advertised around them.
-Huey P. Newton
We're fickle, stupid beings with poor memories and a great gift for self-destruction.
-Suzanne Collins (Mockingjay)
Sometimes I feel incredibly disconnected, uncomfortable in my own skin. Or kind of like I don't fit into this world. Like I was born at the wrong time, and I don't belong.
-Haley James Scott
There were times in my life when I couldn't feel much, into sadness or pity or passion, and somehow I blamed this place for what I had become, and I blamed it for taking away the person I had once been.
-Tim O'Brien (The Things They Carried)
I thought about all of the things that everyone ever says to each other, and how everyone is going to die, whether it's in a millisecond, or days, or months, or 76.5 years, if you were just born. Everything that's born has to die, which means our lives are like skyscrapers. The smoke rises at different speeds, but they're all on fire, and we're all trapped.
-Jonathan Safran Foer (Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close)
When I was little, I used to pour salt on slugs. I liked watching them dissolve before my eyes. Cruelty is always sort of fun until you realize that something's getting hurt. It would be one thing to be a loser if it meant that no one paid attention to you, but in school, it means you're actively sought out. You're the slug, and they're holding the salt. And they haven't developed a conscience. There's a word we learned in social studies: schadenfreude. It's when you enjoy watching someone else suffer. The real question though, is why? I think part of it is self preservation. And part of it is because a group always feels more like a group when it's banded together against an enemy. It doesn't matter if that enemy has never done anything to hurt you. You just have to pretend you hate someone even more than you hate yourself.
-Jodi Picoult (Nineteen Minutes)
-------------------------------------------------
I've had better posts. No question. This was really random. Whatever. Does anyone even go on xanga anymore? I feel like it might be kind of dead by now. | | |
| i see how you get sucked in...
-------------------------------------------------
faith is a funny thing.
waiting is the hardest part.
i can’t sleep, i can’t eat, i can’t do anything but think about him. at night i dream of him, all day i want to see him, and when i do see him my heart turns over and i think i will faint with desire.
i’m not into the idea of living without you.
suddenly, all i can think about are all the things i don’t know about him. all the things i never had time to learn. i don’t know if his feet are ticklish or how long his toes are. i don’t know what nightmares he had as a child. i don’t know which stars are his favorites, what shapes he sees in the clouds. i don’t know what he is truly afraid of or what memories he holds closest. and i don’t have enough time now, never enough time. i want to be in the moment with him, feel his body against mine and think of nothing else, but my mind explodes with grief for all that I am missing. all that i will miss. all that i have wasted.
i want to sleep, i want dreams to pull me from this world and make me forget. to stop the memories from swirling around me. to put an end to this ache that consumes me.
why does one begin to write? because she feels misunderstood, i guess. because it never comes out clearly enough when she tries to speak. because she wants to rephrase the world, to take it in and give it back again differently, so that everything is used and nothing is lost. because it’s something to do to pass the time until she is old enough to experience things she writes about.
i try to make a point of being seen. sometimes when i’m out, i’ll buy a juice even when i’m not thirsty. if the store is crowded i’ll even go so far as dropping change all over the floor, nickels and dimes skidding in every direction. all i want is not to die on a day i went unseen.
everything ends in awkward glances and fake laughs.
those minutes where i am alone, just me and my pillow. i think. a lot. i think about everything, anything. it varies from ‘what am i doing with my life?’ to ‘did i have homework?’ the room is so silent, but my mind is so loud. it drives me crazy because the things i would never think about, i think about. sometimes, i hate it because it brings up things i’d rather never think about again. the split second before sleep is the most active second of my life.
let’s stop revisiting the same topics and making the same mistakes. let’s only do new things and talk about interesting events. and, for god’s sake, let’s stop complaining about our own lives. we’re all so guilty.
i’m really bad at being human.
one of the craziest things to me is that you don’t think you need things until you acquire them and then lose them. remember life before ipods, and phones, and laptops? we didn’t need those things back then to be stable. and we can’t go back now.
the thing is, people don’t know how to talk to each other anymore.
spend life with who makes you happy, not who you have to impress.
unless your name is google, stop acting like you know everything.
high school changes people so much. you find the sweet ones are the total bitches, the prude ones are the new sluts, the albino ones had some fun rolling around in nacho cheese, and the lost ones are the ones that live being high.
i can’t remember what it’s like to not be tired.
you ask me why i cry, i say ‘i don't know’ but yet, i just lied. i know exactly why these tears fall, but it isn't worth explaining because i know you won't understand.
you call me a bitch because i don't care what you say. i'm not like you. i don't care about what everyone thinks about me. say whatever you want about me. you say i think i own everything, when in your case i don't let everyone walk all over me and do what they want with me. i actually have something to stand up for, something to believe in. i have morals, integrity, most of all, character. something you are lacking.
and i don’t think you’re beautiful, i think you’re beyond it.
love or hate: just do it passionately.
we cry because our eyes need to clean out the disgusting things they see on a day to day basis.
all we have is now.
rejection is more than just a simple no; it’s the feeling that no one will ever say yes.
there’s always going to be bad stuff out there. but here’s the amazing thing, light trumps darkness, every time. you can stick a candle into the dark, but you can’t stick the dark into the light.
well, we have a whole new year ahead of us. and wouldn’t it be wonderful if we could all be a little more gentle with each other, and a little more loving, have a little more empathy, and maybe - next year at this time - we’d like each other a little more.
death doesn’t exist. it never did, it never will. but we’ve drawn so many pictures of it, so many years, trying to pin it down, comprehend it, we’ve got to thinking of it as an entity, strangely alive and greedy. all it is, however, is a stopped watch, a loss, an end, a darkness. nothing.
Every society has a way of torturing its women, whether by binding their feet or by sticking them into whalebone corsets. What contemporary American culture has come up with is designer jeans.
-Joel Yage
Some people turn sad awfully young. No special reason, it seems, but they seem almost to be born that way. They bruise easier, tire faster, cry quicker, remember longer and, as I say, get sadder younger than anyone else in the world.
Some people--and I am one of them--hate happy endings. We feel cheated. Harm is the norm. Doom should not jam. The avalanche stopping in its tracks a few feet above the cowering village behaves not only unnaturally but unethically.
You don’t know what goes on in anyone’s life but your own and when you mess with one part of a person’s life, you’re not just messing with that. Unfortunately, you can’t be that precise and selective. When you mess with one part of a person’s life, you’re messing with their entire life. Everything affects everything.
You lie loudest when you lie to yourself.
-Eric Hoffer
I think perfection is ugly. Somewhere in the things humans make, I want to see scars, failure, disorder, distortion.
-Yohji Yamamato
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
-Albert Einstein
It’s like this: You have to have the nicest jeans, or the cutest purse, or say the newest thing so that it catches on. You have to be skinny, you have to buy this, wear this, say that, be on his side, her side, be neutral, have white teeth, have straight teeth, your hair can’t be frizzy, and you can’t wear that because it just doesn’t ‘work’ anymore. You have to go to parties, be friends with everyone, trust no one, pose like this, smile like that, tilt your head this way, and put your hand on your hip, because that’s how it is. And let me just say, fuck all of that.
God doesn’t exist.
I wish you knew how much you actually mean to me.
Something really is wrong with me. And I don’t know what it is.
I’m sick of being so unbearably sad.
Strive for progress, not perfection.
-------------------------------------------------
quotes::41
photography::40
-------------------------------------------------
i'm not a very good person... let's just put it that way. you know the whole 'three guys' night? well, i danced with another guy that night. not a big deal, just danced. i was drunk, i didn't know how to get away without feeling bad. but he added me on facebook, and got my number from a friend. he's a really nice guy and all, but he's very awkward. and i'm just not interested. he asked me to go see transformers in 3D with him, and i told him i had to check if i worked or not, and i never got back to him about it. he still texted me pretty much daily for almost a week, and last friday he asked me to go out to dinner with him. i didn't want to. at all. as friends, i would've in a heartbeat, but it seemed like he wanted more than friendship. so i told him i would let him know either way after i got out of work, and once again, i never got back to him. around 7 o'clock, he texted me and said 'hi are you still up for dinner :)'. i never responded. the next day he just said 'hi there,' to which i still didn't respond. because i'm a horrible human being. but i was talking to my friend, and i guess he didn't like me, he just found me 'interesting', which i guess means he thinks he could've liked me, if i liked him or something. i don't really know. i just feel terrible about it.
oh, and i drank again. and i remember everything. and nothing even remotely close to bad happened that night. i consider it a colossal success.
i also went to see the therapist, which i hated. i had to take this test thing to see if i should go on antidepressants, i have to go back in a little over a week for a follow-up appointment, where hopefully i'll find out if i need medication and never have to talk to the dude again. | | |
| maybe things are starting to turn around.
-------------------------------------------------
accept everything about yourself - i mean everything. you are you, and that is the beginning and the end - no apologies, no regrets.
it sucks to see people flirt with the person you’re in love with. it sucks even more to see them flirt back. it makes you question how they feel about you. it makes you question if everything was and still is a lie. it makes your heart ache inside. it makes your whole body feel pain.
don’t waste one word on me.
anything is possible if you’ve got the nerve.
what i need is to fuck up so bad i can’t save myself.
i am an endless source of useless information.
you could be happy.
don’t you dare think twice.
it is easy to forget how full the world is of people, full to bursting, and each of them imaginable and consistently misimagined.
never let the future disturb you. you will meet it, if you have to, with the same weapons of reason which today arm you against the present.
life will break you. nobody can protect you from that, and living alone won’t either, for solitude will also break you with its yearning. you have to love. you have to feel. it is the reason you are here on earth. you are here to risk your heart. you are here to be swallowed up. and when it happens that you are broken, or betrayed, or left, or hurt, or death brushes near, let yourself sit by an apple tree and listen to the apples falling all around you in heaps, wasting their sweetness. tell yourself you tasted as many as you could.
i sometimes wonder why i even bother.
do you ever wonder why i’m laughing with a group of friends one second; but two seconds later i have no track of the conversation; four seconds later i wish i was anywhere but there; five seconds later i’m forcing the smile back on my face pretending i know what’s going on, when really i’m too caught up in all of the thoughts in my broken head.
fuck you, my dear.
someday, i will build a house beside the sea.
those were yesterday’s feelings.
well aren’t you an annoying little fuck?
life goes on and there’s no way to stop it. sometimes things work out sometimes they don’t. that’s just the way it is.
determination will get you through this.
you need a firm punch in the face.
i don’t even want to spend the rest of my life with me…how do you explain to someone you love that you can’t give yourself to them because if you did, you’re not sure who you’d be giving? that you aren’t sure what your own words are worth? you can’t tell someone that, especially someone you love. and so you don’t.
this is who i am: someone who simultaneously longs for and fears the commitment of remembering. there is the forgetting, the disintegration of memory, morsel by morsel; and there is the impossibility of forgetting, the scar tissue, with its insulated layers of padding. both haunt me in their own way.
she could let go instantly…if she wanted to. that’s the catch - not a single part of her wants to give up, so she can’t.
but happiness is a mood and a condition, it’s not a destination. it’s like being tired or hungry; it’s not permanent, it comes and goes, and that’s okay. and i feel like if people thought if it that way, they’d find happiness a lot more often.
you try so hard to shut the feelings out.
the past is only the future with the lights on.
welcome to a world where everyone talks about each other. everyone lies. everyone tries to be something they’re not. nobody can keep a secret for their life and friendships that have last for years are broken. believe it or not, this world actually exists. it goes by the name of high school.
seriously, if you ever need someone to vent to or just someone to listen to you, i’ll be that person. even if i’m not friends with you. fuck it, even if i don’t know you, you can talk to me. message me or find another way of contacting me. i don’t care who you are, i’ll be there for you if you need someone to talk to.
i’ve found it. eternity. it’s the sun mingled with the sea.
people don’t want their lives fixed. nobody wants their problems solved. their dramas. their distractions. their stories resolved. their messes cleaned up.
i live for the moments i won’t remember, with the people i’ll never forget.
when the world’s given up on you, put on your sunglasses, turn up the music, and let them fuck themselves. you’ll want to push yourself further without them.
there are days where i feel like escaping from everything.
you’re single, not dead.
i love when you realized that some things don't faze you anymore, when there's no longer a sting or a twinge or a sick feeling in your stomach when you hear a certain song on the radio or when you can actually enjoy a movie you once loved or a place you used to avoid to a point that you've forgotten about it and now can rediscover why it was so beautiful in the first place without your heart reliving the memories that will always be attached to them. i love that because that just proves that you can move on or that you have moved on, and that you will be able to do it again.
style is knowing who you are, what you want to say, and not giving a damn.
-gore vidal
if someone betrays you once, the fault is theirs. if someone betrays you twice, the fault is yours.
-eleanor roosevelt
i can spot empty flattery and know exactly where i stand. in the end, it’s really only my own approval or disapproval that means anything.
-agnetha faltskog
the world in general doesn’t know what to make of originality; it is startled out of its comfortable habits of thought, and its first reaction is one of anger.
-william somerset maugham
think back and replay your year. if it doesn’t bring you tears either of joy or sadness, consider it wasted.
there she was, lost in the darkness, buried, entombed, walled in. anyone who could have seen her in that state, after having seen her laugh and dance in the sunshine, would have shuddered. cold like night, cold like death, not a breath of air any longer in her hair, no longer a human voice to hear, not a ray of light to see.
-the hunchback of notre dame
it sounds pretty, but i disagree. i believe there are moments in your life when you have to dance like everyone’s watching.
-------------------------------------------------
quotes::42
photography::41
-------------------------------------------------
maybe something's wrong with me. with my beliefs. the problem is that i don't believe in anything, i know that. and maybe that's why i'm so depressed. i told my mom she should make me an appointment to see a therapist to go on antidepressants. she said she agreed. it wasn't really the response i expected. i mean i was great today and yesterday. last night i drank for the first time since my v-card went out the window. i really have no judgment when i drink. three guys. three fucking guys that i hooked up with. no worries, pants stayed on. i made sure of that. it was a good night, a really random night, and i'm still testing my limits. maybe it'll be out of my system by college in the fall. | | |
| Realizing ignorance is bliss.... Give me something to live for.
-------------------------------------------------
I like the way you make me feel even when you’re nowhere near.
I am waiting for everyone to realize that I am not as great as they make me out to be.
You felt it too.
And she realized she was powerless. Tossed to and fro like a bottle in a raging ocean storm, thrown carelessly around by a heartless world.
Absence makes the heart go fucking insane.
Success isn’t just about what you accomplish in your life, it’s about what you inspire others to do.
A clean break is easier. You can reset it and it heals and then you move on. But if you leave things messy or things don’t get put right, then it just hurts. Forever.
-Little Black Book
If you want to label yourself perfect, no one is going to stop you.
-ticktackkirsten
The toughest sacrifices are the ones we don’t see coming, when we don’t have time to come up with a strategy, to pick a side, or to measure the potential loss. When that happens, when the battle chooses us and not the other way around, that’s when the sacrifice can turn out to be more than we can bear.
I've come to realize that one of the best feelings in life is waking up and realizing that you’ve let go of that one thing that has been burdening you.
Overcome the notion that you must be regular, it robs you of your chance to be extraordinary.
Buy a blank notebook. Draw a huge heart on the cover. Don't write anything negative in here. If you need another outlet, make a separate notebook. This one is all about love, personal growth, and getting back up. Fill it with beautiful images, reaffirming thoughts, and quotes. Write in it every day, and each day write one thing you're grateful for in your life.
You smoke a little more every morning, and drink a little more every afternoon, and need a little more sedative every night. You’re beginning to feel unnecessary too.
I’m afraid of how you make me feel, I’m afraid to feel what I’m feeling now.
There it goes again. That heavy feeling in your chest when you don’t feel any desire to speak or move. All you want to do is close your eyes and sleep, because the process of being broken is incredibly exhausting. You attempt your best to make your days fulfilling, but no matter how hard you try you can’t seem to connect to anyone or anything.
I may never be happy, but tonight I am content.
Remember who you are.
It’s like she’s incredibly lonely, but too scared of getting close to anyone at the same time…
Even if the path is a little blurry, keep walking. You’ll focus in when you know what you want. Then the picture of your life will be crystal clear. Just don’t ever give up.
Sometimes you just can’t tell someone how you feel. Not just because you don’t trust them, and not because you think they will call you a freak, but because you can never really find the words to make them understand. And it makes you frustrated. People take things 100 different ways, and that’s why it’s so hard. But if what you’re trying to say is meant to be said…it will find a way to be understood.
Sweetie, if you’re going to be two faced, at least make one of them pretty.
I’m so afraid of dying because I don’t think I believe in heaven.
If everything happened when and how we wanted it to, nothing would be worth waiting for.
You are not lost…you are simply somewhere you haven’t discovered yet.
It’s never too late to be who you might have been.
If you want to know what a man’s like, take a good look at how he treats his inferiors, not his equals.
-J.K. Rowling
The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but also to leave the wrong things unsaid at the most tempting moment.
Memory is always infinitely more beautiful than reality.
Don’t lose yourself in this crazy world. Don’t change for anyone. There are people out there who love you for who you are.
No one is going to love you if you don’t love yourself.
When a thing is done, it’s done. Don’t look back. Look forward to your next objective.
Home isn’t a place anymore. It’s a group of people.
-Garrett Nickelsen
Because I’m young and stupid. And really good at making bad decisions.
The truth is, it never fucking ends.
We’ll drive until the sun comes alive.
You walk down your packed high school hallways every day. You pass hundreds of people you have never talked to, ex best friends and boyfriends. You pass the people that hate you and most importantly love you to death. If you could just freeze everyone and finally slow down time to look around. Do you finally notice the kids that have never had an equal chance? What about the beautiful popular girls that get all the boys, are they truly happy or is it all an act? And then look at yourself. Are you happy with who you are becoming or has high school turned you into someone you promised you would never be? Take a good look at your reflection before you judge anyone else; be the person you want to. Fuck what everyone else tells you, just be who you are.
It doesn’t matter who we were, it only matters who we are.
They say once you hit rock bottom, things can only get better. But sometimes you never hit rock bottom. Sometimes life’s a black hole and you just keep on falling. No slowing down, no turning around, no stopping. You just fall forever.
In life we do things. Some we wish we had never done. Some we wish we could replay a million times in our heads. But they all make us who we are. And in the end they shape every detail about us. If we were to reverse any of them we wouldn’t be the person we are. So just live. Make mistakes. Have wonderful memories. But never ever second guess who you are, where you have been, and most importantly, where it is you’re going.
Remember when we were eleven years old? And we couldn’t wait until we were teenagers? We looked at all those cool teens, with their cool cell phones, and cool Facebooks. Their cool makeup and cool clothes. All those cool boys they hung out with, and going to PG-13 movies, with their cool friends. We looked at them and thought they were so cool, because they listened to those cool iPods, and wouldn’t turn the volume down when their parents asked. We couldn’t wait to grow up. We couldn’t wait to wear that cool makeup, and hang out with those cool boys. We couldn’t wait to not listen to our parents and blame it on being a teenager. And now that we’re teenagers, what were we thinking back then? Some of us put makeup on every morning, hoping that one boy will notice us. We listen to our iPods so loudly to block out the world and all the drama. We’re sick of our cell phones and Facebooks. We turn off our phones, and log off of Facebook. Because we don’t want to talk anymore. We can’t stand our friends, and we want to be little kids again. So this is to all you non-teens, never grow up.
I’ve learned that maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you’ve had and what you’ve learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you’ve celebrated.
Your life is defined by opportunities…even the ones you miss.
It’s not what you do once in a while, it’s what you do day in and day out that makes the difference.
We should all start to live before we get too old. Fear is stupid, so are regrets.
-------------------------------------------------
quotes::44
photography::43
-------------------------------------------------
I told you guys I probably wasn't coming back, and I'm probably still not going to, not regularly anyway. But I really felt like updating again. As much as I love tumblr, there's something about this site that i miss. A lot. I've probably lost a lot of my frequent viewers, which is completely understandable, and I wouldn't really be surprised if a lot of people have unsubscribed. I don't know. I think maybe this site just reminds me of my past, or, more specifically, my innocence. I had this site way back when I literally did nothing wrong. Ever. And I genuinely miss those days. I've changed a lot, especially within the last year, and I can't decide if I miss who I used to be, or if I just miss the idealism of it all. I don't know. I don't really know anything anymore. My life's kind of spiraled out of control, not so much lately. Well, lately my emotional stability has kind of gone to shit, but apart from that life's been mediocre. I'm officially done with high school, so maybe I'm just feeling nostalgic or something. I graduated with high honors, and the gold chords served as a very satisfactory 'fuck you' to everybody who thought I was stupid. One girl had the audacity to ask me how many art classes I took, trying to belittle them or something, like she's smarter than me. I don't know. It pissed me off. But I never actually have to see her again, so it's all good. Hah. A few weeks before school got out, I was very, very drunk at a party. Once drunk, I thought it would be a good idea to also get high. It wasn't a good idea. There's a huge hunk of that night that's missing from my memory, and I only remember bits and pieces. I do, however, remember losing my virginity to a guy I don't really know. I also hooked up with another guy before that, and apparently I came out of his car with my pants undone. So I don't really know how far that went. I'm over it, but the whole experience had made me want a guy, someone who wants to be with me, more than just sexually. I've never actually wanted it so badly before. I feel so judged by everybody who knows anything about that night, even if it's just minor details in comparison. I haven't drank since, but I'm going to relatively soon. I'm going to drink less, though. Much less. I'm trying to be a better person. I've felt like a horrible human being for I don't even know how long, and I'd realllllly like to remedy that at some point. I'm no longer friends with a girl who'd been one of my closest friends for years. I'm fully okay with it, seeing as she was a horrible friend, but it didn't really make the adjustment any easier. I was sick of her thinking she could walk all over me, which she did consistently, and thinking everything would be better when she wanted it to be. I could show you guys her whole reconciliation attempt that blew up in her face, but it's too long for right now, not that you'd really be interested. My sister still owes me $100 from almost a year ago, and our relationship is very touch and go in regards to if we get along or not. Ordinarily it leans more towards the not getting along. My relationship with my parents has gone to shit, and the majority of it is my fault. Not all of it though. I can tell when my mom thinks she's losing control of things, and her iron grip over the household is starting to slip. She snaps into over-parenting mode pretty quickly when that happens. When it does happen, all she does is criticize and try to regulate everything I do, which blows up in her face when she causes me to have complete emotional breakdowns. Which happen more and more frequently lately (hence the declining emotional stability). My dad's just kind of caught in the middle of it all. He gets sent to talk to me when I'm upset, because my mom doesn't really care enough to, and then I take out my anger and frustration on him, which I do feel extremely guilty about. I just feel like nobody cares anymore, not that you guys really care. After all, I did abandon you for months. Haha. Honestly, I just want something to go right in my life. For once. Because I've come to the realization that I don't have bad days like most people do, I have bad time spans. Where every single thing in my life repeatedly goes to shit, and nothing good really happens. I just need to get out of this town. Two more months. Then I'm college bound. Finally. | | |
|
